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Who Am I ? Part 5 - Decluttering Era 2 of Family Childhood Me

Social engineering, in the context of the human social life, is the idea that laws and social norms are created for the purpose of influencing and shaping our society.

It’s designed to regulate our beliefs and behaviors using a targeted ideology.

So. . . the job title of influencer may be new to the masses. That’s one of the benefits of social media. Influencers offer niche information in exchange for influence over our spending habits.

But influencing has been the main objective in building societies as far back as the beginning of human existence. History shows early settlers adjusting benevolent funds to influence the behavior of those unwilling to work.

The colonies were not going to build themselves.

Today. . . social engineering is much more advanced.

The federal government sets the formal social norms for the nation.

The state authorities regulate the norms for a group of cities.

Cities influence the community patterns.

And families create an internal culture; a particular way of life with beliefs, values, rules and traditions guiding the way.

This family culture is an initial guide for how we dress, our methods of communication, our attitudes, behaviors and the subconscious set of ideas at the core of our convictions.

Every family has its own dynamics, those particular stimulates that are embedded in its members during Era 2 of family-childhood-me.

Yet. . . how many of us consciously explore this important season of social engineering?

There is a subconscious worldview hidden in the depths of our core beliefs. Elusively guiding the way we think about certain things, dictating how we make decisions and setting the boundaries of our sense of right and wrong.

There is an unseen path from our subliminal thoughts, our words, actions, habits and character that lead to our destiny.

“Unpacking” the social engineering in Era 2 of family-childhood-me brings the involuntary subconscious ideas to the surface for the rational and logical thinking of our conscious mind to explore the depth of the question. . .

Who Am I?

Approach this journey with gratitude. We’ve all experienced out of control children in public settings. When parents don’t know how to manage them everyone else experiences their interruptions. An ordered society cannot exist without good parental leaders.

Gratitude to the years of work. . . the commitment to teaching us the fundamentals of life.

So. . . how do we “unpack” and “declutter” the social engineering from Era 2 of family-childhood-me?


Understand the difference between unpacking and decluttering.

“Unpacking” childhood social engineering, like a luggage after returning home from travelling, is the act of:

  • opening concealed and valuable contents,

  • separating the clean items from the dirty ones,

  • and organizing them for practical use in daily life.

While dirt and odors may exist, we clean them for continued usefulness.

Decluttering, on the other hand, is separating the useful from the useless and deciding how to dispose of what is no longer effective. Like a good spring cleaning and yard sale, one person’s trash may be another’s perfect treasure.

No positive or negative judgement is needed.

Just an open-minded, respectful approach. What works for me I keep. And I not only release what I'm getting rid of, I also accept that what I release may work quite well for someone else.


Decide if a therapist is needed.

Someone to walk you through this process. What’s happening in our lives today is often connected with what happened in the past. Trauma in Era 2 of family-childhood me occurs more often than you think.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration,

two out of three children report at least one traumatic event by age sixteen. The signs can be different in every child.

Decide if you need a licensed therapist to move through unpacking and decluttering a traumatic past.


Strengthen your sober judgement skills.

We have often been encouraged with trophies we did not earn, to ensure everyone felt like a winner. Or discouraged with constant criticism and sarcasm to ensure permanent submission in the familial hierarchy.

These cultural practices can lead to an unbalanced ego.

Sober judgement is the ability to deal with an un-pampered reality.

Seeing our inner beauty in all of its wonder and glory; and seeing the dark shadows of our humanity.

Accomplice or hero. . . we choose.

Strengthen your sober judgment skills to see the shadows of who you are and heal the wounds of the life you’ve lived.

The main tools needed include:

  • strength,

  • courage,

  • and wisdom.

Mental strength increases our ability to effectively deal with stressors and challenges.

Courage increases our propensity to move forward when fear is present.

And wisdom increases our readiness to take raw information, process it to a developed level of understanding and experience it in practical life application.

Take the time needed to practice with these tools in everyday life. . . in preparation for the exploratory journey through Era 2 of family-childhood me.


Begin the unpacking process.

Open an investigation. Approach Era 2 of family childhood me like a cold case file; that unsolved mystery keeping you up at night.

Document your findings.

Search for knowledge of the main characters and events, including:

  • who you were as a child: personality and temperament,

  • who your parents or guardians were in that era, including their generational history and core beliefs,

  • who your peers were, while understanding their childish lack in any wrong doings,

  • and all the other leaders influencing the social engineering of your development. This includes, extended family, community connections and favorite entertainment sources.


Evaluate all of the gathered evidence.

Learn the art of hovering over the details. For a season of life, put the complex puzzle of Era 2 together, piece by piece until the big picture reveals the deeper contents.

Seek to understand all of the clues.

List and dissect the lessons, like:

  • critical thinking skills with “what” to think instead of “how” to think,

  • balancing “interdependence” and “independence” with social connections,

  • or how to be a fluid follower “and” leader adjusting as needed to compartmental life building mastery.

As you evaluate this evidence understand the basic duties of a parent:

  1. to protect you from harm,

  2. to provide you with basic needs of food, clothing and shelter,

  3. to financially support you to independence,

  4. and to be a life school masqueraded as an interesting family.


Begin the decluttering process.

Keeping what is useful and discard what is not. This can be tricky. It’s one of those things that is much easier said than done.

One man’s trash can be another man’s treasure. There is no one size fits all, and judging merit, worth or value for you may not apply to others.

For example, while your parents may have chosen a hierarchy family structure,

you may choose an equality structure based on competence.

Let go of any desire to make someone else’s life match your choices.

Rational for you may be irrational for them.

Respect their right to make their own choices and expect the freedom to make yours.

Release and let go of who you are not.

Make peace with your past to move toward and embrace your future.

One step at a time. . .

A balanced “me” becomes a stronger community of “we”.

Subscribe to explore the commonalities of our humanity with us.

One topic at a time. . . from the inside out.

Welcome to Circles of You.


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